Noughts and Crosses

I actually finished reading a book! Malorie Blackman's An Eye for An Eye is the very short novel (or it's part of a series of books...I think) about Jude (this Nought [a class in society in wherever they are] whose brother was hung at the gallows by the Crosses, the upper class of society) who wants to avenge his dead brother's death by killing off the lead character (Persephone aka Sephy). His plan though goes a bit astray when Sephy's sister (Minerva) appears at her doorstep to try to take her back home to their gorgeous house in the suburbs. In the end, Jude doesn't kill Sephy after realizing that she knew he was coming and she wanted to die after what happened to her lover, his brother, Callum. He accidentally shoots Minerva when she tries to leave the apartment but allows Sephy to call an ambulance. He then realizes the most horrid punishment he could give Sephy and threatens her with it: to one day make her unborn child turn his/her back on her and her kind [Crosses].
Recently I also finished another book: Afraid to be Chinese by a certain Xin-Mei. Again, a book that tackled discrimination. The former was about a clash between the powerful and the powerless. The latter a desire to break free from the traditional code Chinese women were forced to uphold as wives, daughters, Chinese.
A few hours ago I was with a friend and we talked about whatever it was we could talk about. We ended up talking about friendship and she began to point out certain, well, opinions and characteristics of herself that I couldn't help but not perceive lightly.
There is a theory, for example, that some people only see things in black and white. In An Eye for an Eye, class had become society's basis to judge who they could be friends with. Romeo and Juliet tells a similar tale. The Montagues and the Capulets were at war, which created a separation (and limitation, actually) of people these families were allowed to associate with. Today's Filipino-Chinese generation here in the Philippines tell a similar story: Chinese can only mix with Chinese. To mix Filipino blood with Chinese lineage would be atrocious.
As much as I'd like to discuss it now, I think I ought to get some rest. I wonder though: should a person who acknowledges his or her mistake---or to make the condition more likely, if a former foe approaches you and tries to make amends without really apologizing or anything, yet makes efforts to end the fight between you two, would you forgive him/her and move on with both of your lives? Is forgiveness so easy to give that the war becomes a thing of the past and a trivial matter not even worth being given a second thought?
I'm not making sense, and maybe it's better this way. I think I have to think things through before I go on posting anything that might brew another issue.
Life is so trivial, which makes it all the more complicated.
Maybe that's why people tend to categorize. Organizing our lives makes everything feel... simpler. Arranged according to what we want, even.
Yet the Filipino-Chinese in this country want to break from this old code. To accept things as they are, as simple as they are, is to prevent the creativity from seeping into our souls. I think. Haha
Smell ya later.

Job Blues

I woke up this morning with the song Signal Fire playing in my head and the image of the little kids in its video smiling and grinning and wishing they could do things their way which one kid really did.

He kissed his Mary Jane.

My first few minutes of consciousness were drowned in that heart-warming song and caged in that video. While my hands mechanically searched for my cellphones hidden somewhere beneath the pillows around me, I was floating above children who were following a script and doing what they were told.

And while I, with everyone else in the audience, observed the events unfolding in front of us, the camera focused on the little boy who wanted to do something that wasn't in the script.

"No I don't want to wait, forever."

Yes, I don't want to wait forever. I want to take every chance I get and be able to say I did it my way, and I'm proud of it. It may not be the practical way, or the rather tactful way of doing things. But nonetheless, it was my way.

But of course, when the time comes that I finally realize that my way isn't always the best way, maybe the first thing I might do is blame someone. Then maybe regret that I did it my way.

But for the moment, I'm proud I'm doing it my way. Let the regrets and depression come after.

My fingers finally touched the keypads of one of my phones.

My eyelids flew open.

Carpe Diem.

This Particular Atenista

It was mid-afternoon when I decided to call my friend.

"Oi, musta?"
It started out nicely enough. She complained for some time about her ex, I poured out excuses for my M.I.A. (missing in action) status for the past few days, and later we ended up talking about my current employment status; she's been working for almost two years now, I think.

"O, kamusta yung inapplyan mo?"
"Ah, xxxxx?"
"Oo, 'yon! Ano, so 'don ka na?"
"Hindi eh. May iba talaga akong gusto."
"Aaah... pero sayang! Opportunity rin 'yon!"
"Magkano sweldo?"
So I told her.
"Seryoso?! Sayang naman! Dapat sinubukan mo pa rin!"
I explained how kind the employees were towards me. I told her that I didn't want to disappoint them, if they ever did become fond of me, by quitting.
"Be practical! Okay lang naman ganon noh!"
I told her that joining my company then quitting as soon as I found "the right job" would not only damage my ego, but also damage my relationship with the company. "Ang user ng dating," I told her.
"So how's that other job? Your dream job?"
I told her I was still waiting for a reply.
"You really should have taken the first job."
I was feeling worse than before. Both paid just as much as the other, but the first provided assurance that I'd actually get the job. The latter was a dream yet to come true.
"First job lang 'yan. You can quit kung ayaw mo na."
I couldn't help but tell her that I was too proud to just quit any job. Finish what you start.

I don't know. Is it just me, or many Atenista's in general? Am I simply too proud? Has the common perception of the Atenean so engulfed me that I've actually become the "typical Atenista," his chin raised high even when the situation calls for, at times demands, humility?
I don't know. This is just me ranting. Not even ranting... maybe just pondering. I don't know.
All I know is that I think I have to get down from my high pedestal. I think I have to start going back to the old me.
The girl who, once up0n a time, also knew when to swallow her pride and be practical.

She asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with her and the old barkada. She has a job naman eh; her treat.
I gulped. "Next time na, when I can pay for my own. Then I'll treat you."
I could imagine my friend smiling on the other end of the line. "Sige ba!"

This Writer in Particular

Hours after I posted my first blog entry I couldn't help but be excited about my second post. At first I decided that it'd be about this book I just read (I'll finish it soon, promise) called Afraid to be Chinese by Xin-Mei. I wanted to write a critique on the book and compare the events the author went through and the situation many Filipino-Chinese (including me) are going through today. Is her book still applicable to today's struggling Filipino-Chinese youth? How much have we changed?

On the way to the MRT Terminal this morning with my two younger siblings I decided on something better. I ought to write about the apathy of some of my Filipino-Chinese comrades when it came to the recent elections. That'd be a load off my shoulders. How can anyone be proud of not voting and yet constantly complain about our government? A government is not just an organization run by a group of people merely voted into power. It is also the face a country---or rather a nation--- presents to the world as the representative of the people. They don't just become our reps overnight; they either win their seats or are assigned to a particular government post. The latter we can't really do anything about; but the former, well, that's a different story.

Ah basta I voted. And I'm damn proud of it.

Afterwards during our pottery session (SHYET SARAP. I want to do it again!!!) I thought of writing about the arts. People around me this morning were talking about molding the clay into things that they could use around the house. I thought about it for a while then molded a face that had absolutely no purpose but to satisfy myself. I wanted to make something, period. Then later on I remembered a short film I saw on UniversiTV that somewhat disappointed me. It was about a guy who drank lots of C2 and just threw the bottles everywhere around him. Although I think I got the message of the film, I couldn't help but not really like [to say dislike is a bit too much] the closing remarks, which said something about the film not really having a purpose, and I couldn't help but be reminded by Jose Garcia Villa's maxim, Art For Art's Sake.

In the end, I decided to write about something I did.

[Next blog post please]

hahaha. and just for the sake of it. Yeah yeah yeah who else might like blogging the way we bloggers do blogginng haha


jacky

First post

Oooooh...
Blooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooog.
So this is what a blog looks like.
From the inside, I mean. As the person actually writing the blog. Now I'm wondering why I never ever joined the blogging community.

Oh, wait. Did I just conveniently make myself a new word? Or does the word blogging actually exist? Because if there is such a term, then maybe I can conveniently use it from time to time. Why not? Jologs, chuva, and such terms were never really part of the Filipino language. But now they are. Once upon a time the only people who used them were the members of our once-ostracized male homosexuals. Now even my male friends use "Charing!" and call me a Baklush whenever I start acting like the girl I REALLY am (although contrary to popular belief).

Filipinos aren't the only people who conveniently make new words. Rumor has it that somewhere in the world there's a dictionary that equates the word Filipina with the word Maid. Many patriots (or actually, any proud Pinoy) might want to kill the editor of that particular dictionary after his little screw-up, but come on. We've sent so many of our local women to become maids and nurses (the other kind) in countries filthy rich with dollars and whatever currency it is they're loaded that maybe the Filipina-maid equivalent was merely, on their part at least, a definition that sprouted because it was convenient.

Still, I hope someone (a Filipino, or better yet a Filipina, perhaps?) did something about that. I'd be really disappointed if I found out that foreigners google the word Filipina just because they're looking for maids.

Or worse.

Hm.

Blogging is such a convenient word to use. I wonder if it'll get in the dictionary, too.

Jacky
[Shyet. i love nonsense.]


Trivia Time!
Yes or No question:
Is Winnie the Pooh gay?
If the answer is yes, then kiss your right elbow.
If your answer is no, then kiss your left elbow.

..
...
....
.....


If you are unable to kiss either elbow, then maybe it's because Winnie the Pooh doesn't know either. Or maybe some secrets are just meant to stay as...well, as secrets.

Astig!!! I am going to write again tomorrow. Keeps the boredom away!