083007; 9:58 pm

If you fall by Azure Ray.
I love the song. Come to think of it, I love all the songs my roommate plays on her laptop. Sadly, it makes me remember my own old songs.
I wish I had done this, I wish I had done that. Unfortunately the days are passing by too fast for me to really take advantage of them. I've been spending my days remembering the Philippines instead of fully enjoying myself. I am, most of the time, in control of my thoughts. Yet the dull moments---sometimes, even the not so dull ones---have me spiritually wandering back to my home country, with the crazy ability to see my loved ones again.
I miss my sister, I miss my two best friends, and I miss my family. Most of all though, I miss my mother. I've no idea what's happening to me, but the one person I can't seem to get out of my head recently is my mother. I wish I had hugged her a bit tighter before I had left for China.
Ah, oh yeah. My name's Jacky, and I'm currently studying in China. Contrary to popular belief I was not forced to go; many would kill to have this opportunity, including me. I'm lucky enough to have parents willing to spend so much just for me to study abroad, luckier because they can afford it, though barely. If they ever get to read this post, then I'd like them to know how grateful I am.
It was about 4 AM, I think, when I woke up on that fateful Monday morning when I was destined to leave the country. With everything packed in my mother's forever traveling companion, the Stroller, the handbag my mother had prepared for me which also contained all my extremely important documents and my mountaineering pack strapped so close to me that I could imagine the scent of mountain air still clinging onto it, I left my home.
My sister was with me. My brother practically announced to the world that he'd be there as well; he was elsewhere, he probably forgot. I'm not sure. Days later he apologized for his absence. Hm. My mother and I got into another small fight...one which I was strangely thankful for. I knew I'd miss these quarrels, these scoldings. Hearing her then already had me missing her.
We all wish we could turn back the hands of time, go back to that certain point which we don't really want to change... just probably give it more emphasis. Pardon, I'm rambling. Again, I'm just wishing that I could have hugged my mother a bit tighter. Wish I could have told her I loved her, even though my trip was going to last me four months... lest I really find a job here in China.
Which I really hope I do. I really want to find a job here, and a good one at that. I want a job that can pay really well, so that my kids can live as comfortably as I had.
This is starting to sound like yet another telenovela. I guess the point of this blog is that right now, at 10;14 PM here in Room 1153, Capital Normal University, Beijing, China... I am missing my mother.

Jaclyn